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The Most Personal Gift: Knowing Your Own Rhythm

There is hardly anything more gratifying—or more beneficial for the mind of a woman and people assigned female at birth —than practicing self-awareness through each phase of the menstrual cycle. It allows us to return to the simplest yet most important questions: What do I feel? What do I need right now? This practice helps us stay grounded, present, and connected to our inner selves even in the endless stream of obligations, feeds, news, and smaller attention thieves.

As estrogen rises and dips throughout the cycle, it affects serotonin levels, and with it, our self-perception. Thus, in the days leading to ovulation, one feels more satisfied with life vs. premenstrual days, filled with sadness and grief.

This awareness and readiness to what each phase brings becomes a solid ground for the skill of forecasting upcoming emotional states and modifying behaviour to decrease anticipated triggers. That is why awareness of where you can make your life so much simpler, and that is why cycle awareness matters so much. There is power in saying—“I am in my premenstrual week,” “I am in the follicular phase,” “I just had ovulation”—this awareness reshapes how we perceive and care for ourselves, as well as tells us about opportunities that lay ahead: to take risks, to connect, to cozy up, to reflect.

Every opportunity I have, I invite women to give themselves this gift: to recognize that they have inner flow, and connect with it. Pause now, and ask yourself: Where am I in my cycle? Identify the day, and get familiar with how it feels on deepest level, separating those true feelings from how you should feel out of obligations and expectations. Keep observing how long you will feel this way, and embrace the shift as the cycle moves along.

Trust me, the best gift you can offer yourself today is to find that feeling of flow with the most natural rhythm of womanhood and begin to feel whole.

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Why Resilience Isn’t About Endurance — It’s About Awareness

I used to confuse resilience with pushing through. For a long time, I thought resilience meant powering forward no matter what—ignoring tiredness, emotions, or my body’s signals. But that version of “strength” eventually led to exactly the opposite: exhaustion, poor health, strained communication, withdrawal from others, and a heavy sense of isolation.

But when seen through the lens of the menstrual cycle, I noticed that it is missing the most important pillar – biological awareness of the menstrual cycle.

In my early thirties, I began to ask myself a different question: How can I become resilient without pushing through? More specifically, how do I build resilience while respecting the emotional rhythms shaped by my menstrual cycle?

Resilience, as we understand it now, is not a single trait or a single act. It is an intentional practice of five pillars:

  • Self-awareness
  • Mindfulness
  • Self-care
  • Positive relationships
  • Purpose

1. Self-awareness

Traditionally, self-awareness means knowing your preferences, strengths and weaknesses, emotions, and motivations. But this definition felt incomplete without biological body awareness. We often forget the concept of our body altogether—pushing it aside as something to “fix later.” To correct this flaw, my self-awareness now begins with asking: Am I cold? Hungry? Tired? Inflamed? At what week of the cycle? Where are my hormone levels right now?

For women and people assigned at birth as females, awareness of the cycle phase is an essential part of self-awareness. As estrogen levels either decrease or increase, our bodies and minds are always moving from one phase to the next. The way I perceive myself during ovulation is very different from the way I do during the premenstrual phase. And that’s exactly what I am looking for – to be self-aware, first noticing where my body is today—and where it’s headed tomorrow.

2. Mindfulness

Mindfulness is being fully present, intentionally—not just reacting to whatever happens. But, again, for those who cycle, mindfulness shouldn’t look the same every day.

When estrogen is at its lowest, I might feel empty or detached, so practicing mindfulness and staying present will temporarily feel harder. By contrast, when estrogen begins to rise, it comes naturally to be intentionally present. Instead of judging these shifts and trying ALL the time to be present, I’ve learned to count on this natural mindfulness decrease, and don’t worry about that.

3. Self-care

Self-care looks different for everyone. It is desirable for self-care to be nurturing, but sometimes it becomes a source of self-sabotage.

For me, self-care has never been “one-size-fits-all” around the clock, because once again, my needs look different depending on where I am in my cycle. Energy, confidence, and social capacity—all fluctuate, and so should my approach to caring for myself. With keeping the cycle in mind, self-care is less about having a fixed routine and more about adjusting to honor each phase as it comes.

4. Positive Relationships

For resilience, the quality of our relationships with ourselves and others plays an important role. In my experience, a positive relationship with myself began with establishing a shame and judgment-free zone during the premenstrual phase, with the estrogen at its lowest, and establishing equally realistic expectations for the rest of the cycle.

As for relationships with others, I find myself reminding my loved ones that, as nothing lasts forever, my cycle will go on, and so will my moods, energy levels, and needs. I feel that it is only fair for others to have realistic expectations and boundaries with me.

5. Purpose

Finally, to stay resilient, one needs a purpose that would give direction and meaning to why we move through each day. And purpose, like self-care, looks very unique for each of us.

I didn’t really know what the purpose was. One day, I just decided to make sure that I want to embrace not only convenient parts of myself, but all of myself—on every phase, not just the “easy” ones. Learning and honoring my cycle taught me compassion for myself. It also gave me the ability to put into words things I could never explain and the ability to share this knowledge with my family. As a result, instead of silently pushing through to meet their expectations, I am helping them to form realistic expectations of me. This, too, is resilience. And it’s still very much a work in progress.

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Beyond “Fixing”: A Sustainable Approach to Emotional Wellbeing

I often think about the menstrual cycle and the mental health and emotional well-being of women and people with estrogen cycles, and I see two approaches we apply.

The first is regenerative. In this view, we have no regard for where we are in our cycles and dedicate our days to pushing through whatever life throws at us until something inside breaks, and then we try to repair it. We reach for whatever is thought to help at the moment and suit personal preferences— for some, it is a glass of wine, or forced meditation, or a rigorous workout, or a round of therapy, or a stretch of self-isolation, pharmaceuticals, holistic practices, Tarot and crystals, or a combination of them all. This approach can bring promised relief, but it often keeps us in a cycle of “fixing” ourselves just enough to keep going till next breakage.

The second approach, much less practiced and the one we should be looking at, is sustainable. Instead of waiting for a crisis, we study ourselves, take ourselves seriously, notice patterns, observe, and learn to anticipate the natural flow of the needs, energy, and mood. We care for our needs as they arise. We dedicate the amount of energy that we have, and not more. We allow grief to set in before the period and OCD cleaning after ovulation. It’s now not about fixing—it’s about flowing in the rhythm of our bodies and emotions.

Just do the math. I have about 170 menstrual cycles left until menopause, so I’d rather meet each one with grace. I won’t always have access to hormonal treatments. I won’t always want to use them. And I won’t always have the money or freedom to lean on therapy, retreats, or costly routines to regenerate my mental health. But what I will always have is the ability to recognize my own patterns—physical and emotional—throughout the phases of my cycle. And once I notice them, I start learning from them. Once I learn from them, I can anticipate them. And once I anticipate them, I can take care of my needs before they spiral into overwhelm.

This, to me, is the only path to real mental health and emotional well-being for women and estrogen living selves. And it’s the path I choose.

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From Menarche to Menopause: On the Gender Empathy Gap, Womanhood and the Future

What do women of ancient times, the Renaissance, Siberia, Brazil, or Tokyo have in common? What truly unites them across centuries, cultures, and continents?

Not the fleeting societal norms that dictate women’s looks or behavior. Not the ever-changing standards of beauty or etiquette. Those are cultural constructs — shaped by time, place, and ideas. At the very core of womanhood lies something far deeper, timeless, and universal: the menstrual cycle. It contains the purpose and the mechanism to reach that purpose at once. Always present, in plain sight — and yet consistently overlooked, stigmatized, hidden and silenced.

For generations, women have been distanced from the transcendent meaning of their cycle by a dominating male perception of the world. The physical, mental, emotional, and social wisdom within it was ignored — dismissed as inconvenient or irrational. Even today, many young women know as little about their cycles’ power as their grandmothers did.

Why? Because the menstrual cycle was given its reputation not by women who lived it, but by male practitioners who did not — a product of the gender empathy gap. Women’s cyclical nature was not understood, mislabeled, and mocked: Women are simply too much, yet never enough. Shame was imposed, silence demanded. And this silence caused damage: in healthcare, in self-care, in how women now perceive themselves.

But silence cracks eventually.

Today, after generations of quiet compliance with testosterone-driven, linear expectations of how to live, work, and behave, women are beginning to reclaim their rhythm. We are finally exploring, honoring, and celebrating estrogen-driven cycles — from menarche to menopause — without diminishing our worth.

And if we step back to look at the bigger picture, one truth becomes undeniable: the estrogen cycle has never been less meaningful than the testosterone one.

Recognizing and respecting menstrual and emotional rhythms should no longer feel weird — it must become a priority. For healthcare providers, for every woman, bleeding or not, and for every partner who honors her life.

Only then can we begin to rewrite the rules: not expecting women to fit into testosterone-based norms, but expecting society — men included — to acknowledge estrogen baselines, cancel stigma, and heal generational shame.

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Mood Swings Diary. Part 2.

Part 1
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It seems quite intuitive that the cyclicity is in the core of nature. The same natural physical and emotional cyclicity entered into my own life with my first menstruation and every month after that, yet it never occurred to me that the menstrual cycle is much more than its visible signs occurring to me once a month. I was oblivious to how the cycle and the change of phases condition, if not create, my moods and behaviors, and with it affects everything in my life.

Only now I fully understand that since my menarche, I’ve lived guided by a cyclical emotional pattern. My sleeping habits, preferences in food, the choice of intensity of exercises, the urge to reach for a friend and go out, or the need to be by myself – all of it was framed by phases of a cycle.

My whole life, month after month, it was like a clock – time to declutter, to indulge in sweet food, the wish to run out and then to stay in, and time of feeling unworthy, crying myself to sleep.

It took many years to give my mood swings a chance to reveal their purpose and sense. And I discovered three things: first, they are not random; they follow a certain order, and now I can predict. With time, I learned what things made me feel safe at different phases of the cycle, and triggers that affected my mind and caused unnecessary irritation and frustration, affecting my loved ones with me. I wrote 28 reminders on how it feels on different days of the cycle to help me remember my past and predict what is coming next:

Day 1

On the first day of my cycle, I will cry, even though I will not feel sad. I will feel overwhelmed by little and simple things. I might cry feeling grateful, I might cry feeling sorrow, and it may seem as if I wipe tears nonstop.

I may want to free my mental load and confess, or have the urge to clean my space of old stuff. Add new colors, sensations, and smells – it will feel good to begin to renew.

Day 2

On the second day of my cycle, I may crave loneliness, silence, and quiet. I may feel more vulnerable and insecure than ever and will need to repeat to myself: “I am fine.” I need reminders that I am worthy of love, as I am now – uninspired, unproductive. I will need to feel that I am loved.

Day 3

On the third day of my cycle, I will feel calmer. I will remember again that I am loved and love myself, too; I just forgot about it for a day. I may feel lighter and more social now, and the world will feel brighter too. Real power is growing inside, towards confidence and optimism.

Day 4

On the fourth day of my cycle, my bleeding will cease. I will feel my body awake, and my senses will engage with the world. I will no longer get overwhelmed of this splendid, magnificent world. Now I am less likely to think about my past. What had happened is already gone; what is coming feels way more exciting.

Day 5

I will feel optimistic, excited, empowered, and may forget to rest. I will get busy and it will be hard to stay still. But I won’t get tired and won’t complain.

Day 6

My bleeding will almost disappear by the sixth day of my cycle. I may wake up feeling sexy and aroused today. My mind and body are ready to face anything that is coming my way. I’ll have the itch to be productive today.

Day 7

I may hop right away from my bed and start composing new to-do lists. I might feel the urge to clean up my life from dull, long-standing affairs. I want to clear up my mind, too. I might be unapologetic and harsh, directing others and giving instructions. I will feel hungry for life.

Day 8

Today I will be crushing my chores, accomplishing all pending tasks. I might even get bored with them, as it will be too easy to do. If there is no way to use my energy now, I’ll feel frustrated, so I should exercise.

Day 9

I may have a greater appetite today and opt for more elaborate meals. I keep planning on how to take over the world. House chores now seem very small, and I may want to leave the household. But my attention today will be great, and I will enjoy working in the team.

Day 10

Around this time, my pre-ovulation kicks in, and I may feel suffocated at home. It will feel good to go for a ride or a walk. Today, I may feel aroused and wish to look my best. I’ll multitask several chores, my to-do list is getting shorter, and I want to start helping others, too.

Day 11

Today I want to connect. I may think about family and friends and miss them once again. I am in search of souls to touch. My body is slowing down, and I may welcome a helping hand. I enjoy slow and deep body stretch and a walk around the park.

Day 12

I may feel calmer than a week before. And while the urge to connect now is stronger, I start letting go of personal tasks. I feel confident and relaxed, more empathetic towards others, and may even act in a people-pleasing way to not complicate a thing.

Day 13

I am more aware of how my body feels and may get aroused easily today. It feels like the time for achieving has passed, and now I feel that I need to stop, step back, and look away.  I start looking at different things. It feels safe to stay home and do chores. The world is changing colors again: from bright neon to softer pastel, from fun cocktails to chamomile tea, from the city’s night to chimney mood.

Day 14

Today, it may feel like it is not a moment to think big and to go out into the world. Instead, it is time to be present with those already close in the existing space. I may have a brand new urge to make the place I live cozier, more inviting to stay. To bring the family closer and enjoy meaningful talk. It helps to meditate.

Day 15

Today, I may feel empathetic to others, more grounded, and feel at home. I slow down in my feelings and thoughts. It feels pleasant to do something homey today. It makes me happy; it makes me feel whole. I am ready to reach your hand, give you space, and easy silence. I miss my loved ones when I am alone.

Day 16

Today, I may notice how my body gets quieter. My mind may drift to my past, when I was a child, unconditionally loved. I want to feel safe for the future in a set and organized space. I start meal prepping and stocking the fridge, and feel happy while doing that.

Day 17

In the morning, it may be harder to open my eyes and shake off my dream. The inner world starts pulling me in, and I need extra time to reconnect with my body. My mind will wander away. My physical energy is jerking throughout the day, and outbursts of doing chores are replaced with zooming out and losing myself to the screen. I may feel like I am fading away, and for the first time in the last weeks, I may feel quite fragile. It will feel nice to have a hug. Today, I may start feeling that my old wounds open up and become sore again, and I want to cure them, to soothe pain so I can heal. Write in a diary, have a therapy talk.

Day 18

My mindset starts changing from thinking that we need more strength to the idea that we need more forgiveness, gratitude, patience, and faith. It becomes more energy-consuming to deal with daily battles on my own. I feel the need to stock my freezer and pantry, and need to learn to welcome help. I might zoom out while driving, and I could gladly stay home. I want to avoid voices and crowds – I am overloading faster than before.

Day 19

Today I may crave to stay behind closed doors. I’d love to hurry everyone out of my sight, so I can belong to myself. I want it to be me-day: me-time, me-space, and self-reflection mode. I may feel guilty for wanting it all, and I might fake smiles. I might like mechanical tasks, so I can zoom out. My mind needs space to wander. Today, I may say hurtful things, for what’s not working can start to change. I might feel less tolerant now, even of myself.

Day 20

Today I may wake up feeling depleted. My body may feel heavy and slow, and time slows and stretches too.  I may need extra minutes to remember who I am and what I must do today. My most profound suppressed memories may resurface and stay with me. My mind may go back in time, and I may cry. I need no rush today, no pressure, and no promises made. I may want nothing, and when you want nothing, no one can give you enough. I may skip daily chores, and whatever is out of place – with me it will be fine. I will look over my life and ask, “What have I done? What have I become, and what am I leaving behind?” I will be tempted to say “nothing,” but it’s an illusion of the premenstrual phase.

Day 21

Today, I may feel overwhelmed by people who always bring me joy. I love them every day, but today I feel drained. I may need to take additional breaths to share space with them. My energy is depleting by the minute, and I am fading with it, unable to do simple things. I crave to submerge into a place where I can forget who I am and not be found just yet. I do not want to force myself to feel better, as I need that time alone.

Day 22

The closer my period gets, the more uninspired, soulless, and hopeless I feel. I feel more insignificant and emotionally numb to the world. Today I may feel frustrated that I have to put extra effort into pretending to be as functional as I was days ago. It all becomes irrelevant now, all the planning and all the doing, going out, and household chores. I may feel too drained today, empty and irrelevant, unable to give anybody anything anymore. I may cancel today’s plans and feel bad about it. This feeling of worthlessness drags me down today, and it is hard to love myself when I feel so useless and small. And again, it is an illusion of the premenstrual phase.

Day 23

Today, I might wake up with scary quietness in my mind. I may try to do easy stretching to gain control over myself, but soon I will quit, as it will not resonate. What may resonate with me today is to close my eyes and walk down memory lane, where I can see my childhood, places, and people of the past. I would wave to the boy I liked and look at my parents, still happy together. I want to see the world with kids’ eyes again and to feel safe. Mechanical tasks help feel present; self-love affirmations are necessary now.

Day 24

Four days before the new cycle, I may wake up defeated, forget to check how I look, and fail to take a shower. I forget about matching my clothes and may wear the same outfit from yesterday. The awesomeness I felt 19 days ago is long gone. I pity myself, wishing to be five again, wrapped in a knitted safe blanket, held by my mom, who assures me that all will be fine.

Day 25

Today, I may wake up still, emotionless, quite robotic. I might get caught off guard by the other’s elevated energetic vibes and get wired, irritated, and surprised by my quick emotional buildup. Whatever I touch, I may feel its vibration, which will annoy me today. I may feel a desperate need to hide in a sound- and lightproof place. Seeing violence hurts me now, so I skip those parts in the movies, in series, in everything. I will doubt myself today. I may examine my life choices and distrust whatever is in my mind. I may ask myself questions that I would not ask otherwise. Does it make sense? Is it even worth it? Should I stop or change direction? Maybe someone knows better? I may feel terrified of mistakes and wasting my time doing all the unimportant things. I take a moment to feel the wet of my tears and remember how is it to feel.

Day 26

Today I may wake up very sleepy. I may quickly do basic chores and go back to bed for the rest of the day. Pajamas will be my best friend. This need for stillness can be frustrating. I may need extra effort to get through the day in one piece. At the very end of the day, I may have the urge to get things done, impulsively, even aggressively, with OCD vibe, as if preparing for something with my body and mind.

Day 27

Today, the feeling of emptiness and the illusion of deep self-disappointment may take over. I may become passive-aggressive. I may feel mortified and ashamed of myself as if my life is a waste, a failure, and I am not worthy today. Today, I may feel that I am grieving. The pregnancy I do not have, the one I neither wished for nor planned. I will cry over my vain life and the past. I will go over relationship failures as if there is some lesson to learn, and now my failures are in my thoughts. Today, I may have the strong urge to hide, but there is no place where I can hide from myself. I may ache to be alone and unbothered, so I could convincingly feel broken while not stopping being whole.

Day 28

On the last day of my cycle, I may seem present, but in my mind, I will be far, wandering in my past, as if tomorrow and the future do not exist. I may feel submerged in a vacuum, and my thoughts will come back to what is already gone and can never be brought back. Today I need to zero out, as my cycle has come to an end, and now it starts again.

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