Without noticing it, every day, women follow rules initially designed by men and for men. It is a fact, and I say it with no blame in my voice. It is what it is. Yes, matriarchal societies with their women-established rules exist too, but they represent only 0.062% of the world’s population – not even 0.1%, and anyway, the term ‘matrilineal’ instead of ‘matriarchal’ for many would be a better fit.
The rules women now follow are the ways women were taught to prefer, the standards women learned to demand, and too often, even the dreams women work so hard to pursue – are not our own, but those of male leaders and example-setters. Those men may be long gone, but their ideals imposed long ago have been guarded for years. How many generations was that? Roughly 480. Four hundred and eighty generations of children listening to the same man-made pitch. Four hundred and eighty of our grand-grandmothers passing along the same men-centered message so the next generation can know how things work. And we internalized and legitimized sexism and misogyny for so long that we don’t even notice it anymore. We still perpetuate it. After all, men were teachers – from Gods to big brothers; children were pupils, and women’s role was to accept. And we did.
We accepted the rules of men’s games and mastered them to succeed, to feel safe, to feel worthy, exceptional. We, estrogen-driven creatures, adopted a ‘testosterone-living’ way, oblivious to our estrogen flow with its unique timing and rules, and we became so good at gaslighting ourselves.
I suspect that many women, by the age of 30-35, intuitively notice discrepancies between the way they carry their lives and the way their bodies and minds tend to flow. Many women sooner or later start journeys to find a more whole, a more harmonious way: rather than copying others’ routines, they begin with respecting and embracing their bodies and flow: cycle-syncing with phases, embracing transitions, ups, and downs. They know that their pattern is already perfect. And to allow it to be also allows them to feel whole.
But honestly, even now, years after I intentionally stepped away from testosterone-like living, I still need to remind myself that testosterone-driven linear living offers little to estrogen-driven cyclical me. I must continue to revamp my deeply internalized misogynistic beliefs about what is the right way, what I can and what I shouldn’t or cannot do. While on purpose forgetting old rules and standards, I am still in the process of figuring out new ones, forming new attitudes, welcoming new skills, and making sure that this time they are aligned with my flow.